Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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