maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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