I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Send help, water and tortillas.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize