we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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