Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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