There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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