omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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