Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
someone owes me an orgasm
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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