If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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