No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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