You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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