my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
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So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
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I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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