If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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