the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize