he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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