He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
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You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
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We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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