dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
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I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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