totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize