Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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