The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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