i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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