I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
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He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
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He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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