I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize