here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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