they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize