dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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