Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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