i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
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We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Blood and glitter go together right?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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