you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize