Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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