Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize