repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize