Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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