I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize