Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize