did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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