I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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