The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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