Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize