I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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