I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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