Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
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Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
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Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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