I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
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I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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