i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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