New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
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We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
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I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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