return my video game
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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