masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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