how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize