he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
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Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
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So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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