My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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